I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
