i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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