Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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