My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
