i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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