So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
