Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
