I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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