I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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