It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
