I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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