We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
