From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
