I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
