dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize