This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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