It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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