You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
