I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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