I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
