i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They have beer where we have blood.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
