she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
