i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
