I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
