dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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