It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
