if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
