Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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