I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
