I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
