Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just pynch a tree in the face
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We talked him into tasing himself.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
