My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
