at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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