I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
