I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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