you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Naked. naked and bneed help.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
