VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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