Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
