if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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