The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
