i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
