I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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