Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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