fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
