You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
it's like iHOP with fire
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
