At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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