You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
