i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
