you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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