lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
