I wish I could punch you in the face.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i am craving dick and cupcakes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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