Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
