I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
