we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
