Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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