I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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