you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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