I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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