We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
