your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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