I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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