i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
