For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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