you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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