found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
