I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
