I skipped work to stalk him.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
