I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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