I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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