you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
