Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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