Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize