You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
