Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
