erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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