I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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