Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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