hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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