high people should be assigned attendants
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
