I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
