Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
