Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
