I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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