God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
