So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
