just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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