someone owes me an orgasm
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
