capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
